My dear, faithful "Brown Eyes"! I hear from her almost every mail (our mail - once a week!) -Deepwood, Medicine Creek
Baby gave me a fearful fright today - got out of the house and was under my horse's feet, almost, when I found him. So many snakes slipping around. Had a big fight with one at the creek today - shot it and "Jack" killed it in the water. Caught a wild cat in a trap yesterday. I shot it. Have lost one of the geese - suppose the cat caught it.
Aug. 21st 1877
Our baby's birthday! One year old today. Our precious, beautiful boy! Our dearest measure on earth! -- I have no time to journalize these days - (I am forgetting how to write!) Work -- work! All day and every day! But I thought I must write it some when that this is our Baby's birthday!
O, my fair, sweet treasure! My own, my baby! How would thy mother crown each birthday of thy precious life were hers the power! Ah, what am I saying! -- May a Hand as kind as far more wise than mine crown each passing year with some beautiful immortal gift! Some fair spirit. Jewel that shall shine above and beyond the things of time! --
Sept. - Sunday - 1877
Deepwood Wed. night -
The season of the "wailing wood, and falling leaf" is again with us. - All nature is beautiful - but it is the beauty of Death - is it that that makes me heavy-hearted? I don't know - I only know I should be cheerful and thankful. - Our baby is so well - and such a brave handsome little fellow.
Herbert went away last week, on a little trip - or perhaps a big one. His plans were uncertain.
Jan. 2nd 1878
I write the date of the New Year for the first time. --
I now commence this journal anew. I think it is in a different spirit. Here-to-fore, I have not been entirely "one with myself" - utterly true, as I should have been -- hence I have found no strength in this mode of self-communion.
Let me not try to do too much at once. When we would build up a noble purpose we cannot hurry the work.
I have fallen far short of my intentions today. I have given away to unworthy anger and foolish words.
I pray for a wiser power. May my report of myself tomorrow-night be a better one.
I have had a heavy day's work - am very tired - but must give a line or so to myself, by way of encouragement - do I need it? I should not, for I have improved, I think - Have had more petty cares, and more cause for anger, today, than usually falls to my share - and I have worked bravely, and almost been as calm, as my Ideal. - I thank God that I am able to work and I pray him that I may continue to try to do right - not because I wish any praise or love for it, but do it simply because I believe it to be right.
END OF JOURNAL II
I believe I have no actual need for self-communion tonight. I do not merit praise - nor blame. I think my intentions to my self. I need to make-knows my intentions to my self. I need to give them form and expression. They will then doubly impress me.
It is not wll to confide good resolutions to a friend - it does not matter how dear the friend may be. No none --- -------- what shall I say? If we fail - if we fall short, the very knowledge of our intended success, makes our failure more disgraceful, in the eyes of another -- and even if we succeed in the end our success is robbed of its dignity. Another should not be made familiar with our weakness, even tho' we make it governable.
May I have a good dream, and see my mother, tonight.