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Sunday - hour uncertain
March 14th '75
It is certainly afternoon - I have been agreeably entertained this fore-noon. -- After I had washed the breakfast dishes, etc, etc., and fairly gotten through with the usual household "chores" (Yankee!) I sat down to - what? To anticipate the arrival of expected guest! Delightful employment! --- A-hem! "Yon yehr!"
I am going to read! --Let the -- the -- the writing go to le diable!
Wolf's Rest
M'ch 18th '75
Three years ago tonight we arrived at Ft. McP------ or rather McPherson Station --- Three years!
What have I won or lost in that time? N'importante - since "No life lives forever" -------
And whether the lost years are garlanded with the olive leaves of peace and prosperity; or wear the somber shadow of the cypress bough, what matters it? -- Since good or bad; blest or unblest they are lost -- all buried alike in that vast tomb from which no good angel will ever roll away the stone -- from whence there is no resurrection! All things in the Past are alike to me -- the day of shadow and the day of sunshine -- no more pain or pleasure is given from the memory of one than the other! They are both lost -- both dead! I feel only the dumb pain of a vague regret, felt, naturally I suppose, for whatsoever has been possessed and is lost beyond recall!
Philosophers have reasoned and poets have sang of the pleasures of memory -- telling of the wise and the simple who revel in the reflected brightness of a happy "by-gone". -- If this be truth, why am I a stranger to the knowledge? --An alien to this fair world of memory? I feel mocked when men speak of the pleasures of memory! My past has not been without some sunshine -- why does not the reflection light some hour of solitude -- some dark hour -- for instance, this when there has been storm without and storm (thought-storm) within? -- But, ma foi! What matters it, since quiet has come? Quiet within and without! Went out to look at the sky just now -- it is moonless and starless -- yet not murky. --Hope the day will not be so "orful" as this one has been! --I feel blue - like there was some unexpected trouble in wait for me -- Well, Madame Fate has led me an odd route so far -- or, not to have people say I pack on to the back of fate my own waywardness, I have -------- ---------- -----------
pshaw!
Made two shots today, and killed five ducks -- so much for A. E. P(erserving) R--------! Crawled about in the brush until I am as lame as a dog (that does not limp!) Shot three ducks at long range, and wounded the trio, or triplet -- what a time I had running with the dogs -- and encouraging them to take to the water and bring me my game! And cold -- whew!
Friday afternoon
March 19th
I have just gotten off my mail; a band-box with five Bills; and a last year's newspaper, for Curtis Ranche --
I would have gone myself, if I had not have had one or two good reasons for keeping away. --Shall meet Mr. P-- on his return, however, and hunt ducks down at the creek -- time for me to be going I reckon.
Night
I suppose it is 11, at least -- have been reading aloud to ma mere et pere --
I went to meet Mr. P---- but he had gotten a box, bundle of papers, etc. -- for me, sent out by me friend G.W.
D(illard) and so we did not hunt any -- besides he met me just beyond the field -- did not stay long at Curtis Ranche, as Bert and Mr. B(allantine) were both away. --
Band-boxed ducks --I wonder if they would stand well in the market as rare game, rarely put up?
I am half sorry for the cross letter I sent off today -- but it was needed -- people commence par etre dupe --on finit par etre fripou! O! Les chats -- let it all go for what it is worth -- which is not much I suppose -- I am going to bed -- may my sleep be dreamless! Such visions as I have had here of late -- ugh! They haunt me even yet! I saw Col. D---- [onner]'s face last night -- with its villainous beauty all unchanged -- and the same fawning smile and snake-eye bent on me in the manner that was my special disgust! ----The foul-mouth gentleman!
Bah! Why should I stoop to hate him -- I had my revenge!-----
Let us talk about ducks -- better worth it than people --- No ducks for me today -- but "heap-er-ketch-um" tomorrow. Going way down the creek. --- How I'm blotting this ---- good-night!
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