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is touched-- of course there are quite a number of true brutes in the human family -- that live, fatten and die --with no notion of any want save what a brute-appetite engenders. --Not that I blame or scorn -- but simply mention that class as a distinction. --But, as I said, I believe the number who can't love to be, comparatively, very few-- and I know ---pshaw! What do I know? Scarcely worth the telling I expect.
Made the acquaintance of Dr. B----- yesterday. Passed the day pleasantly -- and ended it by taking tea "out", quite unexpectedly to myself.
Do I dire la vérité in this? Paste! But we must not forget to be polite. --Nothing, mon ami, only une petite traverse -- need I say why?
I wonder if there are any passions, hopes or dreams in Life that do not grow to be as husk or wormwood --after a time? Nous verrous --"belle Ena"! Only
"Wait a wee ---an' dinna wearie --"
Monday night
Apr. 5th '75
My duck
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Wednesday evening
Apr. 7th
The above jotting for Monday night will always remain what it is now -- a blank -- a profound nothing!
Can't mem. What I was going to say about "my duck" -- nor yet what individual I could have been alluding to in such an affectionate manner -- nor yet why my journalizing came to such an abrupt terminus.
I was sick all day yesterday -- and really very sick last night -- am improving today I suppose -- but can scarcely sit up yet.
Bilious attack. - What does some one say in a last letter about getting ill again, etc. --"instead of making some one of the many happy, who want to give me their lives" --Where's the letter? --I must refresh my memory with a second reading. --
Only let me add -- what a most doleful day! Rain - storm - mud! Heavens! Many such would give no notions of "Insane-side"
Sunday afternoon
Apr. 11th 1875
Today has been one of the long days we some times read about. There is a charm in change -- but we've had a little too much of that sort of charm today! Freezing and blowing - Snow - Sunshine - sleet and hail -- all by turns -- and nothing long!
I tried to stay in doors -- stood it bravely until about 11 A.M. -- when I gave up! The day would never go, if I did not get out for a while! So I put on my overcoat, big hat and boots; and telling madame not to wait dinner, too, my gun, (alas!) called the dogs and started down the creek. I did not "go hunting" --but, I "saw some ducks" and killed two!
Suppose some of my fashionable Christian friends could have seen me --the picture --viz. - Time - noon: Place --a low-spreading valley with looming hills, and an inviting duck-pond! Scene -- a slight figure crouching darkly amid the "bending willows", motionless, yet alert, until the unmistakable quack of a duck mingles with the voice of the rushing wind!
Then the figure moves forward -- creeping cautiously -- a slouched hat sheltering the eager face from storm as well as sight and the deadly gun grasped firmly! Creeping - creeping, while a muttered imprecation at the luckless dog that dares to move ahead is the only human sound that breaks the stormy solitude!
When -- bang! Whirr! The silence is broken! The ducks "flewed" and the faithful dogs making a line of foam in their eagerness to reach the pritty game! What would some of my Christian, fashionable friends, have said, I repeat? Holy horror! My redemption would be rather slim if they had the gving!
Now if I was a Christian like any one of the many ladies who go to church, fashionably, because it is the fashion, why there might be some chance - but, as the case stands - why, where's the use of hoping ---- ------- Expect I'll get letters tomorrow. --- If I can only hear from Mamie! If she will only live -- and we can be together once more! --
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